Today was full of books. At my desk I had open ‘Adobe PDF Forms’, ‘PDF Hacks’, and ‘The Adobe Acrobat Bible v6.0’, all at the same time. I had a particularly juicy problem in trying to automate a business form. The calculation fields weren’t working and I needed a crash course in Java Scripting. Alas, my Java skills are limited to ordering a Grande-mocha-frappa-whatzit. My form will work but without that one bell and wolf whistle I had envisioned.
Those books are a perfect example of ‘The Technical Read’ on my personal rating system. Browsing those tomes took me through lunch and with a little side serving of Boing Boing I felt pretty good. My actual for-fun read is waiting for me right now. I’m half way through a library book called ‘How to Live – A Search for Wisdom from Old People (While They’re Still On This Earth).’ The author is Henry Alford who is a frequent contributor to Vanity Fair, The New Yorker, and The New York Times. I know this because I am very culturally literate, and because it was on the back cover.
Also on the back cover, I’m just noticing, is a small collection of bite marks. Apparently one of my dogs, and I know which one, decided to consume some literature while I was out. The erstwhile reader/nibbler is Roscoe. You all know by now my deep abiding affection for Chihuahuas but Roscoe is no Chihuahua. I don’t care what the photocopied flyer on the grocery store bulletin board said; he’s not a Chihuahua. We were tempted by that one floppy ear that was clearly much too large for his head. He is an adorable little package of white, tan, brown and busy.
I covet every dog I see. I can’t help it; even the neighbor’s dogs aren’t safe. I sneak out to the back yard and throw dog biscuits over the fence whenever I can. When I don’t have the biscuits or can’t toss them over because the neighbor is, very inconsiderately using his own yard, I have to duck and water my plants while they whine and toss around like kindergartners at cookie time. I tried to tell myself for weeks that Roscoe was a Chihuahua, ‘no really, he’s just a big Chihuahua’ and ‘he’s just….’ No more, I can’t deny it any longer. He’s a Jack Russell Terrier. There should be horror movie music right there. Let’s try: Duh duh duuhhhhh!
Okay, that didn’t work, but there’s a huge difference between the breeds and I’m having trouble coping with it. Jack Russell’s are smart, they’re active, they like to play and figure things out. This is not a good fit for me because my chosen breed is just stupid. Chihuahuas are dumb as a sack of hammers, with a six-second memory function and massive separation anxiety.
I just realized that this blog has nothing to do with the book about wisdom and old people. Fact is the book is pretty short on wisdom. It’s an okay read, not great, but nobody’s being wise. The author is being wise-ass but that’s not his premise, is it?
Maybe I’m sticking with it because I’m hoping for some wisdom from old people. God knows I haven’t gotten any from my family. My grandmother died before I was old enough to learn anything useful, but she did a great job of grandmothering me when she was here.
Whenever my mother got on one of her chase-the-allergy kicks and put me on a restricted diet, my grandmother would take me for the day and stuff me full of comfort food. My mom got so mad but Grandma just grinned and sneaked me some ribbon candy. From Grandma I learned that life is short so don’t waste it on fake food. Eat dessert first because you might get hit by a bus before the cheese course.
My husband’s great aunt came to visit very late in her life. Her wisdom was contained in one phrase, ‘Old age will get you’. She wasn’t smiling when she said it and she said it a lot. From her I learned to do everything now that I would otherwise save for retirement. If we still get there, we’ve had a lot of fun along the way.
My mother didn’t give me much wisdom, only two statements that I remember. One was to pay attention to how a man treats his mother because eventually he’ll treat his wife the same way. This has been good advice. My husband was a saint with his mom, caring for her at home during her lengthy illness until just two days before she died. He loved her with all his heart and I get the same kind of love. That was wisdom and very good advice.
Mom’s other nugget of wisdom was ‘Never wear red shoes because that’s what hookers wear’. I have to confess that as soon as I got old enough to buy my own shoes I bought a pair of red heels. Oh gosh, rebellion was fun when you’re fourteen. I never wore them but I liked having red shoes in the closet. These days I wear my favorite color shoes; green. It’s true, my favorite color is green and I like being able to see it whenever I look down, even if I have to lean out a bit to do it.
So that’s wisdom from old people. Not so hot a book, not such great advice, but still kind of fun. Let’s sum up: eat good food, don’t waste your time, make sure you do something every day to make yourself happy. Oh, and keep the books up out of the way of ersatz Chihuahuas and learn to tell the difference before you fall in love and it’s too late.
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